ONCE UPON A TIME: IT'S REAL, NOT A NIGHTMARE

It's been 3 days 11 hours 02 seconds from the day i underwent surgery.

It was my first experience, the one that i pray will never encounter again for the rest of my life.

Now i know for some people, undergo surgery is not a big deal. Some are brave enough that they willing to undergo it just for beauty. As for me, i am not a big fan of knife and blood. I make such a fuss over a small cut and for all this time, it never cross my mind that one day i will experience what we called surgery.

It all start with a diagnosis that need to be sure by biopsy. In order to do that, a surgical operation is needed. I got advise from 3 doctors from different hospitals. All their advises are the same. Undergo surgery to remove the lump so it can be send to lab for biopsy and know the result. It could be cancerous or just a lump. Despite for biopsy, remove it from my body is highly recommended even there are some people refuse to as this could not harmful and even after removal it can growth again. All we need to do is regular self check up to monitor the lump. As long as the size does not change it is believe to be fine. Now, how am i going to decide. GREAT!

It took me about half a year before i fanally set my mind. In the meantime, i tried traditional ways and do my research regarding the subjects. I read a lot of articles about the condition and take comfort by hearing from people that used to experience the same diagnosis. It turn out to be that it is common among women and most of them choose to remove it.

During my research, i learned a lot. I even find out that the size can growth and cause even more opening during surgery. Finally, i made up my mind. I need to be brave and face it before it is too late. Being in medical sciences, there is a say "Prevention is better than Cure". Thus, I want to know what is this lump inside me. If it is confirm to be cancerous, i need to get treatment ASAP before it reach the final stage. I hardly get a good night sleep and good days while knowing this alien lump thingy inside me. I need to get it out.

The night before the surgery, i could not sleep. My mind were running wild thinking about tomorrow. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I pray that God will give me strength and that everything is going to be fine.

Finally, there i was. Gulping the medicines after consultation with the Anesthetic Medical Officer and the Surgeon. During my last consultation with the surgeon, he sent me for ultrasound and guess what. I got two lumps. The size of the other one is so small that they need to mark it first before surgery as cannot be detected during physical examination.

Only God know what i felt the moment they push out the trolley to the operation theater. I took a final look on my mother and husband faces before we are finally separated. I was alone in the operation theater. I felt breathless. But i gather all the guts in me and pray hard. I told myself i could do this and this will be over soon. I need to be strong. Thus letting they do the preps before the surgery.

I been sleeping. Is this already over? Am i safe? Is everything ok? The million thoughts i got after opened my eyes as all i heard was the sound of the ventilator macchine. Then, i could heard one of the staf voice calling my name and told me, "Everything is over. Now let get back to ward and take a good rest". I closed my eyes back. Thank God.

The rest of the process is bearable. Finally, i already through the stage that i scared the most. My husband show me the pictures of the lumps and me, lying on the trolley. It was a mixed feeling. Despite of feeling relieved and grateful that i come out safe and sound, i still felt goosebump while browsing trough the pictures. It is truly an experience that i would never want to encounter again.

Now i am resting to get well. I hope the biopsy result will turn out to be non-canccerous lump.